Dum Pendebat Filius

A sniff in the kortevar, that what you cry for, yeled? A prert up the cull, a prang on the dumpendebat?

Cemetry Gates

Keats and Yeats were not on this guy’s side:

A night of drinking and tombstone tipping ended for a 22-year-old Merrillville man when one of the monuments came crashing down on his legs, police said.

Picture of Altered Beast graveyard video gamePolice said a security guard found Michael David Schreiber passed out and pinned under a 1,000-pound headstone shortly before 8 a.m. Sunday at Calumet Park Cemetery.

Schreiber, who faces charges of criminal trespassing, criminal mischief and public intoxication, was transported to Methodist Hospitals Southlake Campus in Merrillville.

Both his legs were broken during the incident, and he was scheduled to undergo surgery on one of his legs, Merrillville patrol Officer Ray Smith said.

Smith said it took five officers to remove the heavy headstone from Schreiber’s body, and the family name at the top of the headstone left its mark on the suspect, he said.

“The letter V (in the family name) left an imprint on Schreiber’s thigh,” Smith said.

In addition to facing criminal charges, Schreiber also faces possible restitution to the cemetery for the 14 headstones he toppled over and — in some cases — damaged, Police Chief Nicholas Bravos said. Estimated damage to the headstones totalled about $8,400, Bravos said.

Schreiber told police he and a companion had been drinking at Beaver’s Bar until about 4 a.m. before going to the cemetery, 2305 W. 73rd Ave.

Schreiber estimated he had been trapped under the headstone for more than three hours before police arrived, Bravos said. The suspect would not divulge his companion’s name to police, Bravos said.

The poor guy suffers two broken legs, and his drunk buddy takes off and leaves him pinned under a gravestone (some friend), and he still doesn’t “rat him out” to the police. That’s what you call a stand-up guy, readers. I guess it’s merciful that he lost consciousness after his legs were broken, and at least he was not awake and in agony.

Don’t get me wrong: tipping over tombstones is a shitty thing to do. It’s disrespectful to the dead and to their living friends and relatives. The guy (and his weasel buddy) deserved to get caught and get into trouble. But he didn’t deserve to have both his legs broken by a 1000-lb tombstone. We’ve all done some pretty stupid things while young and heavily drunk (at least I sure have, readers).

(via Obscure Store and Reading Room)

Filed under: Misc by dumpendebat at 2007/05/08 - 14:47


  1. Stram:

    Wow, that guy is damn lucky he didn’t have to have his legs amputated.

    I agree with you - really stupid thing to do but you don’t like seeing that happen to someone.

    What I don’t get is how anyone, much less a ‘buddy’ could just leave the guy there.

    He’s probably not going to rat him out because he’ll probably kill him when his legs heal.

  2. hanumizzle:

    If I were the King, his rehabilitation would be cleaning out the graveyard on weekends for, I suppose, six months.

    I think that’s fair. As Dave Chapelle might have put it: given the choice between spending a month in prison and being peed on by R. Kelly, I’ll let R. Kelly pee on me.

    People leave such huge piles of garbage in the cemetery. With my correction plan, everyone wins.

  3. Stram:

    Having the guy clean the graveyard for six months would be a good punishment. I’d actually go with 12 months, every weekend. And of course the guy owes $8,400 in restitution, too.

    He’s damn lucky he’s not dead. I still can’t picture how the guy’s legs were trapped under a 1,000lbs and not ‘rot’ off after three hours!

  4. hanumizzle:

    I never realized how hard it is to pick out numbers for community service. Is there a formula of some kind? :)

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